November 2008

S M T W T F S
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Nov. 15th, 2008

the end

I think this blog has served its purpose, if it ever had one. To post, to comment, to crap. Nothing substantial. To everyone out there: I'm switching MSN and blogs.

the end

.

hint: my name sms smart input

Oct. 25th, 2008

stay the same :)

to my darling, hugs.

wishing u stay the same, love

Chorus
Don't you ever wish you were someone else,
You were meant to be the way you are exactly.
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.When you learn to love yourself, you¹re better off by far.
And I hope you always stay the same,cuz there¹s nothin' 'bout you I would change.

Verse
I think that you could be whatever you wanted to be
If you could realize, all the dreams you have inside.
Don't be afraid if you've got something to say,
Just open up your heart and let it show you the way.

Chorus

Bridge
Believe in yourself.
Reach down inside.
The love you find will set you free.
Believe in yourself, you will come alive.
Have faith in what you do.
You'll make it through.

Chorus

Oct. 5th, 2008

regret

it sucks when u know that u just made the stupidiest decision in your life, screwing it up entirely. like, seriously, what on earth brought me to where i am now?

"in retrospect"

"on hindsight"

i threw away opportunities as if i deserved them to come my way. i did not seize the chance to get out of this stupid repressive environment.

and the best thing is that there is no reprieve if the world does not end tmr.

f*ck.

Sep. 23rd, 2008

7 things

I can almost hear this song being sung to me.

I probably shouldn't say this
But at times I get scared
When I think about the previous
Relationship we've shared

It was awesome but we lost it
It's not possible for me not to care
Now we're standing in the rain
But nothin's ever gonna change until you hear, my dear

The 7 things I hate about you

The 7 things I hate about you (oh you)
You're vein, your games, you're insecure
You love me, you like her
You make me laugh, you make me cry
I don't know which side to buy
Your friends they're jerks
When you act like them, just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do
You make me love you


It's awkward and it's silent
As I wait for you to say
What I need to hear now
Your sincere apology
And when you mean it, I'll believe it
If you text it, I'll delete it
Let's be clear
Oh I'm not coming back
You're taking 7 steps here

The 7 things I hate about you
You're vein, your games, you're insecure
You love me, you like her
You make me laugh, you make me cry
I don't know which side to buy
Your friends they're jerks
When you act like them, just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do
You make me love you


And compared to all the great things
That would take too long to write
I probably should mention
The 7 that I like

The 7 things I like about you
Your hair, your eyes, your old Levi's
And when we kiss, I'm hypnotized
You make me laugh, you make me cry
But I guess that's both I'll have to buy
Your hand in mine
When we're intertwined everything's alright
I want to be
With the one I know
And the 7 things I like the most that you do
You make me love you
You do (oh)

Sep. 1st, 2008

sand, beach, fun

Yeah...ponned school and went down to the beach with cheryl darling and her family. Damn, am I deprived or what? I have never been onto a beach, nor have I caught crabs or starfish under the sun, and neither have I soaked myself in the saltiness of the sea or slid down a wet slide. Damn.

It all happened after my RCIA on Sunday morning. Cheryl was so supportive as to stay with me till Sunday while her family left on Friday morning. She was my sponsor and it felt a little awkward as she blessed my ears hands shoulders eyes lips nose...eh wait, my nose wasn't blessed! No wonder it still runs...

Ok so on Sunday afternoon, Cheryl, Aunty Cora, I made our way down to Tanah Merah Ferry Terminal and about 2 hrs later we arrived on the calm lagoon of Bintan Island. Oh wait, one of the many calm lagoons! And the ferry ride was about 1hr long (though it certainly did not feel like it...)

And oh how deprived I felt when we splashed about in the pool and soaked ourselves in the sea which encrusted us with a layer of salt. Oh the flora and fauna in the sea which are just so delectable..uh did I use the wrong word? Nope, they certainly looked like what we find in our ching teng! And not to mention the fact that I have never run barefoot on sand before, and doing it was like...enlightenment to me. Oh the sense of freedom which one gets when one stares out at the horizon and looks at the interface between sea and sky. The sea blue transforming ever so slightly into the sky blue. And all the better to experience it with your (better) other half =p

After that we proceeded to drive the buggy. Damn, it was so fun driving with the wind in our hairs (or is it our hair?) and despite crashing into a clay (yeah, clay) light (yeah, one of those fixtures they have in the resort) and smashing it to smithereens, I enjoyed driving around on the (wide) road where keeping left is easy to do since the left is like 3 times the width of the buggy. But I had fun. Yeah, although I was pretty freaked out at the thought of someone coming after Cheryl's dad for causing the damage cos he rented the buggies. We removed all evidence possible, except the silly smashed lamp :(

For dinner we had ba zhang. Yep, white and black ba zhangs. And we played gin rummy. Sigh, another of my own depravity. The game is so amazingly addictive and it was sad that my darling was feeling ill at that time, and we /quitted and went up to chat for a while before turning in (in different beds of course, different rooms even. SIGH).

The next day we woke early. I mean like, really early, around 0600 SG time, which is around 0500 Bintan time. However, we did not manage to catch the sunrise as through a series of small and unfortunate inescapable delays, the sky magically turned light blue before we could whisper abracadabra. Damn, so we proceeded to the beach to pak-tor for a while, and figured that the crabs running around were too irresistible and tried to catch a few with our bare hands. We succeeded quite well, but went back to take a pail and scoop to succeed even more =p

Oh gosh, the feeling of the sea. I can still feel it in my bones, the salt water, the cool atmosphere, the burning sun, the fluffy clouds. It felt like nothing I've felt before! It was awesome to look at the vastness of the sea and wonder who on earth..uh heaven made it. And oh, the many crab holes (what the CRAB!) along the beach, and the tiny ones we found, with miniscule crabs (probably the young little playful ones who refuse to listen to mummy who said stay in the hole!) scuttling about. We had to be quick though, before the sun came out and it became too hot for the crabs to run around. Yep, we proceeded to scoop them one by one till I had seven in the cup of my hands. Then we added a big daddy, a larger soft-shelled crab, and transferred them into the pail. And added some sediment, and water, and we had our own beach-in-a-pail! How amazing!

As the sun rose, and my darling's nose turned a healthy rose pink, we floated about in the sea for a well more before proceeding to the pool. Oh yeah, the pool with a slide. With water rushing down and reducing the friction. With a huge yellow float (ours) to ride on and it goes super fast. With a daredevil young little Eric who proceeds down and up (yes, UP) the slide on all twos (I mean, fours). SPLASH. And YES we saw a rainbow, the best I've seen. Right, perhaps it was cos I was lying at a good angle (on the yellow float thing!) and could see the entire sky with white clouds and rainbow and palm trees and all. Beautiful. Awesome.

It seems like we have done a lot, does it? And the time now is...drum roll...1000! So many things in so little time...and then we proceeded to the banana boat where I got (1) splashed by sea spray, (2) thrown overboard, (3) excited and thrilled!

laser pico amazed by derek, loved my darling, felt inadequate and awed at the same time

rain cold loved my darling but couldn't do anything, good wind, sailing terminology, slight envy!

lunch at restaurant charge to hotel buffet good meal long cooking time

hammock sleep jacuzzi

beach cold hug darling 50 dollar in water (right...) snorkel to find other missing money (yah RIGHT...)

beach warmer water wind cold nice rocks outcrop beautiful girl next to me emo-ing slightly

cold rain shower hot bath pack up sad hug emo reluctant

keychain bus wave goodbye hug pills passport xavier coming out of country alone miss darling like crazy

biometric passport queue screw up thumbprint miss darling like crazy

miss darling like crazy

make plans to go back

type this and sleep

Jul. 31st, 2008

至少还有你

我怕来不及我要抱着你
直到感觉你的皱纹有了岁月的痕迹
直到肯定你是真的直到失去力气
为了你我愿意
动也不能动也要看着你
直到感觉你的发线有了白雪的痕迹
直到视线变得模糊直到不能呼吸
让我们形影不离
如果全世界我也可以放弃
至少还有你值得我去珍惜
而你在这里就是生命的奇迹
也许全世界我也可以忘记
就是不愿意失去你的消息
你掌心的痣我总记得在那里
我怕来不及我要抱着你
直到感觉你的发线有了白雪的痕迹
直到视线变得模糊直到不能呼吸
让我们形影不离
如果全世界我也可以放弃
至少还有你值得我去珍惜
而你在这里就是生命的奇迹
也许全世界我也可以忘记
就是不愿意失去你的消息
你掌心的痣我总记得在那里
我们好不容易我们身不由已
我怕时间太快不够将你看仔细
我怕时间太慢日夜担心失去你
恨不得一夜之间白头永不分离
如果全世界我也可以放弃
至少还有你值得我去珍惜
而你在这里就是生命的奇迹
也许全世界我也可以忘记
就是不愿意失去你的消息
你掌心的痣我总记得在那里
在那里

Jul. 28th, 2008

ballet under the stars

yep, went with cheryl darling to watch the concert last night, in fact, just now. it was a refreshing experience, having little musical background or inclination to build on. but it aroused my interest, and i found myself appreciating the gracefulness of the moves which required so much strength and dexterity to execute. the balance of the dancers on their toes (literally!) amazed me, and the various jumps and pirouettes simply stunned me, and all i could say was 'woah.....' not to mention the nice legs and the disturbing male dancers in tights. ballet is more an art in singapore, it seems, being supported by the singapore dance theatre, while in russia, i learnt, it is treated more as a sport. at the moment i find myself scrolling through the wiki article on 'glossary of ballet'. terms like 'pas de deux' leap out at me (oh yes the chihiro and jeffrey tan duet was excellent and had a really fantastic ending) and i cant help but feel the urge to youtube some famous performances (like...nutcracker? black swan? hmm) but that shall be for later today.

Jul. 25th, 2008

by my side

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQUXOgRmopc

Don't you get ahead of me and I won't leave you behind if you get unhappy show me a sign.

There's no love like lost love no pain like a broken heart there's no love like you and me

and no loss like us apart

Promises promises is only a word and when softly spoken is never heard and a heart is not

stone and is fragile when alone

By my side by my side won't you be by my side by my side by my side won't you be by my side

My care for you is from the ground up to the sky it's over under up above down below and to

the side. No use in pretending no use in saving face my love is never ending you are my

saving grace

By my side by my side won't you be by my side by my side by my side won't you be by my side

Jul. 3rd, 2008

to a special u

And I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful

Because I can't stop loving you(can't stop loving you)
No I can't stop loving you(it's all I could do)
No I won't stop loving you
Why should I(Why should I)
Why should I
Why should I
(Tell me why)
Why should I
Even try

I'll try to make the star shine brighter for you
And I'll take you on my shoulders, hold you way up high
I'll even chase the rainbow hanging in the sky
Cos after all is said
After all is done
I'll do anything for you

Come with me, close your eyes
Hold my hand, it'll be alright
Don't be scared, don't be shy
Lift your head it's gonna be alright

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

you know what, darling, i still feel the bracelet on my left wrist! its probably a psycho thing. but one of the loveliest psycho things ever?

Jul. 2nd, 2008

i feel the bracelet on my bare skin even after i remove it

The bracelet which Mr Lee pointed to and asked "Benjamin, since when do u wear accessories?"

for you and me, for us

Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand Hold it tight

I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always
Always

Jun. 10th, 2008

after a long hiatus of not blogging because of...u!

Beautiful Love
The Afters

Far away
I feel your beating heart
All alone
Beneath the crystal stars
Staring into space
What a lonely face
I'll try to find my place with you

What a Beautiful smile
Can I stay for a while
On this beautiful night
We'll make everything right
My beautiful love
My beautiful love

Larger than the moon
My love for you
Worlds collide
As heaven pulls us through
The secret of the world
Is written in the stars
I'm carrying your heart in mine

What a Beautiful smile
Can I stay for a while
On this beautiful night
We'll make everything right
My beautiful love

Maybe a greater thing will happen
Maybe all will see
Maybe our love will catch like fire
As it burns through me

Maybe a greater thing will happen
Maybe all will see
Maybe our love will catch like fire
As it burns through me

Maybe a greater thing will happen
Maybe all will see
Maybe our love will catch like fire
As it burns through me

What a Beautiful smile
Can I stay for a while
On this beautiful night
We'll make everything right
My beautiful love

What a Beautiful smile
Can I stay for a while
On this beautiful night
We'll make everything right
My beautiful love

Love
My beautiful love
Love
My beautiful love

May. 25th, 2008

19th week in the SAF

I feel that this is a milestone. My 19th week in the SAF in my 19th year of life. 19 weeks of running around doing things for the army and letting the army do things to you. And through it I gather and learn whatever I can. And thus begins my journey into armour. I really have no idea what it will bring me, but well, we shall see!

I <3 my sister so. She gives me nice cards every week before I book in and that's just so sweet! These Bible verses are the ones which strengthen me through my weeks in camp. Ah, and I will hold on to Cheryl's book at night...it's been inspiring reading it so far and I like the book. xp.

BOOK IN.

May. 24th, 2008

be urself

it's so funny sometimes, when u just be urself but u feel frustrated that ur urself is not v likable by another. or at least, u think that u r not v likable. as what they say, what u think ppl think of u may not necessarily be what they think of u ;)

and ahh a lot of my thoughts are un-bloggable. like, unless i can friend-lock this post to only one person ><

gosh. don't sian the nights away, pls get some sleep. i know its hard. but sleep's nec.

i miss u...

May. 23rd, 2008

gosh

it's still processing. to be fair they just started work, so i can't expect an update within even the next 1 hour eh.

lol but nvm, what's with worry. i don't feel very worried cos i know when it comes, it comes. and if it doesn't then it doesn't. then i'll have another 1 year plus to decide where to move on to. and in the meantime i can focus on the other great things of life.

May. 22nd, 2008

music in my veins

i wish.

Ok i don't really know why I chose this display pic, but I think it's quite cool lolx.

Heh I wish...I wish for someone to teach me how to do something sweet.

Sweet things. Don't they drive this world?

May. 19th, 2008

because

"It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
"

packing my bag now to go back to my ulu camp at sungei gedong. I do hope there's reception there =p and finally i get to see what unit life is like and not being a trainee.

I still remember...my first day in bravo vividly. My first day meeting our pwo and not knowing how to address his weird looking rank and seeing sgt ho in the bunk giving out the maps and navigation stuff and going to all the lectures and falling asleep and trying not to get caught. My memories of leopard though are far lesser (it really seems like ages ago!) and to think that 18 weeks have passed and i'm still walking alive. I believe I have not been zombified by my nearly 5 months in army, and my brain hasn't degenerated that much yet (choi!). As much as I did not get into signals institute I think I'll learn something in armour too (though, far less useful obviously). I do hope I don't spend half my time being bored to death (which is highly highly likely I think esp in the first few weeks). And I do hope that this armour thing will last for less than a month =p

Oh, and over the past 2 months my life has changed plenty. As far as friendships are concerned I've grown closer to some friends and drew away from others. And I hope that this is not just another passing phase.

I'm grateful for the life I've been leading thus far, and the people I've met. I often wonder why God did not send me down the 'usual' path which most less-academically inclined youths take. But is it worth wondering about? Damn, to put it simply, I still have a mission on earth to complete, but how to complete a mission when you don't even know what it is?

God I need a breakthrough...something that will fill me with joy. A joy that no one on earth can give.

May. 18th, 2008

do you know

how antagonising the wait is.

to see the happiness in the blog entries of others.

to see the sadness in some.

but i shall continue to wait in anticipation.

^^

(and and my taskbar is seriously spoilt. boo)

May. 14th, 2008

well

Just a flow of words. Heh somehow it gets really boring in camp, given that we've completed all the major activities and our company is basically waiting for POP. Just had our last physical training this evening, and the PTI let us play games (iceman, which is flawed by game theory imo lolx).

Apart from that, I spent at least 6 hours a day in the bunk either sleeping/talking/smsing. If only normal life was like that! But it's not, so I felt rather disoriented doing all these slacky things. Haha. My friend's loudspeakers was blasting music throughout and basically. SHIOK. Like, tmr we only got drills and nothing more. Yeah yeah I know, DRILLS. But seriously drills are nothing compared to what we've been thru!

Oh right. Gotta go. Booking in at 2230. Damn, can't wait to PASS OUT! (not as in 昏倒). you all know what i mean -.-

whee

another nights out, and gonna go back by 2230...right somehow i feel like i've a lot to blog about. but i just don't feel like typing! lazy...ha

anw the lyrics of the song!(which i didn't think was cascada's at first, as it sounded v...not cascada.lol)

So many times I was alone and couldn't sleep
You left me drowning in the tears of memory
And ever since you've gone, I found it hard to breathe
'Cause there was so much that your heart just couldn't see

A thousand wasted dreams rolling off my eyes
But time's been healing me and I say good-bye...

'Cause I can breathe again, dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like we used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
'Cause someone makes me whole again
For sure... I'll find another you

Could you imagine someone else is by my side?
I've been afraid I couldn't keep myself from falling
My heart was always searching for a place to hide
Could not await the dawn to bring another day

You're not the only one so hear me when I say
The thoughts of you, they just fade away

'Cause I can breathe again, dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
'Cause someone makes me whole again
For sure... I'll find another you

Sometimes I see you when I close my eyes (Oh~~!)
You're still a part of my life...

But I can breathe again, dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
'Cause someone makes me whole again
For sure... I'll find another you, mm...

Oh, I'll find another you

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